A Summer in Jackson-Centrifuge #9

I want to start off my last post by reminiscing for a second.  I remember Sunday night before I went to sleep I had a conversation with Emily.  She asked me if I would miss everybody a lot and I answered her that I honestly probably wouldn't a ton.  Not because I didn't love my new family, but because I've never really missed people a ton when I was away (with some exceptions).  I thought saying goodbye would be just like any other camp I've been to.  We did our work together and now it's time to go home.  I think that's part of the camp experience is knowing that you'll return at the end of it.  I was wrong though.  It's hard to summarize a whole summer in this short post, but I really consider my Union team part of my family.  We may have gotten irritated with each other at times, but we served together, cried together, and fought together.  This wasn't the normal type of fighting either.  This was fighting for the souls of the lost and there is no greater fight out there.  This was fighting for the broken hearted.  This was fighting to break through our own faults and failures.  Looking back, I'm going to miss this team because we were all willing to serve and they have taught me so much.

So the last week of camp I was determined not to let my ministry suffer because it was the last week.  We had to do some inventory stuff during the week, but I still got to have a lot of intentional conversations with students.  I was reminded just how real struggles are for younger students.  You wouldn't really think that a 6-8 grader could have so much addiction or pain in their life just by looking at them.  I can only imagine the pain that my classmates go through and do I really take every opportunity I get to know them or minister to them?  Not really.  Whenever I go to class I usually just take my seat, maybe say hey to a couple of people I know, and get ready for the lecture.  My classmates are a part of my mission field.

Since this is my last post about my summer working for Centri-Fuge, it would be a good place for me to recap things that I've learned.  I've learned that you don't have to go to seminary to be used by God and work in His ministry.  I saw some friends who are going to seminary or plan on attending be used by God and I saw plenty of people who didn't be used by Him as well.  I was praying that God would show me my future this summer and He's shown me part of it.  I don't feel led to go to seminary, but I'm still not 100% sold on graduate school.  That's always been my plan, but if God has some mission work for me to do then I need to do it.  Whenever we serve God, He doesn't call us to give up of ourselves partially.  He calls for us to give up EVERYTHING.  If what we do is easy then we are doing it completely wrong.  How many of us could look at our lives and honestly say that we're giving God everything? 100%?  The "first fruits of our labor"?  I know I can't and that needs to change.

I've learned how to operate on even less sleep than I normally get during school so that'll help once classes start haha.  I've learned a lot about teaching a Bible Study and discipleship as well.  I can't wait to get back to Fayetteville to live with my church.  I want to see them grow so much and I want to continue to grow as well.  I'm excited about being a Peer Mentor this semester because I get to just talk to new students and try to minister to them.  This next semester is going to be an incredible one for me and I would like to ask for your prayers in leading whether that be in Bible Study, worship, or work.  Thank you so much for your prayers for me throughout the summer.  My team and I really do appreciate it and let me know how I can pray for you!

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged.  for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

In Love,

Bill Bouillon

A Summer in Jackson-Centrifuge #8

Week 6 of 7 is complete and all I have to say is, "Wow."  So many decisions were made this week and it was such an awesome experience.  I think we had close to 50 salvations this week and it's dangerous to put a number on things but God really is moving here.  I had an awesome Bible Study that really learned a lot this week. (Some weeks I feel like they don't learn a whole lot) I had two church groups as well and they were both really friendly and encouraging.  It was also a very Merry week here at Fuge for those of you who know what I'm talking about ;)

Something really important God showed me this week was that even though I may not always have a bunch of intentional conversations like some other staffers, God is using me just the way He sees fit.  I just have to be willing to serve and let God do the work.  He's given everybody different gifts, strengths, and passions.  I just need to keep on using the talents God has given me to minister to others and He'll do the rest of the work.  It's crazy when I think about typing this right now because I only have ONE more week left.  I've been in Jackson, TN (minus a day trip to Memphis) since May 23 with some of the most incredible people I know.  This staff I have the privilege to work with is selfless, God-serving, and a true blessing to work with.  They have impacted me in many ways and while I'm ready to be home I love them so much and will miss them.


One of the first things my students do as a Bible Study is fill out a questionnaire on the back of their Track Time cards.  It has 10 questions on it ranging from, "What do you want to get out of this week?" to "Rate your life on a scale of 1 to 10."  It's really crazy how much these kids share with me on that first night because some will open right up and tell me something that is seriously troubling them.  That's what gives me a heads up on knowing which students need extra attention and I usually have one or two that break my heart whenever I read them.  I won't go into a lot of detail about a particular student, but she needed some love to get over some nightmares from her past.  I was so encouraged to see her note at the end of the week that said I helped her out more than I will ever know.  The cool thing is that I don't know what I'm doing half of the time.  God just keeps on using me despite my weaknesses.


I had probably the best sounding choir I've had all summer so that was pretty cool.  I found out after the week was over that one of my choir students was able to recite every devotion I talked about at the end of class and that's really encouraging because it sometimes feels like a quick little thing.  God has proven differently once again though!  I got to experience some raw worship again this week with The Spark.  I highly recommend looking up some of their music on iTunes if you have a second because they straight up love Jesus and it shows on stage.  They're extremely talented musicians as well.


Well this is my last post that I'll do while I'm actually in Jackson.  We'll be doing inventory all next weekend and hanging out with each other so I'll do my last post for my Centrifuge staffing experience once I get home.  I'm excited to be home soon and I'm really excited to have another group of students coming through.  God isn't done with me in Jackson yet and I'm ready to give everything that I have.  I don't have to save any more energy for the next week so it's time to go nuts!

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

In Love,

Bill Bouillon

A Summer in Jackson-Centrifuge #7

Week 5 is in the bag and I only worked a half week this week which was a bit weird.  I felt odd taking a nap in the afternoon, but I knew I had to get my rest while I could because these last two weeks are going to be huge!  This next week is going to be even bigger than Week 4 so we're going to have over 900 (this should be accurate this time) students invading our campus!  So I'll kind of recap what God has been showing me this week.

Justin pointed out in our eval session yesterday that some churches might have planned to come the Fourth of July week on purpose so that there could be smaller numbers.  The more rural churches might have been a bit overwhelmed with large numbers and it was a great chance to just get intentional with the students because there wasn't so many of them.  The Spark, the band we had this past week and the next week, were phenomenal.  I could tell the Holy Spirit was moving every night through their worship and it was so awesome to witness!  I know of at least a couple of students who came to know the Lord so the work was worth it.

My church group from this past week reminded me so much of my youth group back home who are on their way to Mississippi College right now for M-Fuge so my thoughts and prayers are with them.  Something I felt God convicting me of this week was that I need to KNOW Scripture more.  Bro Kenneth made an interesting point in one of his sermons.  He was teaching at a private school and had everybody stand up.  He asked everybody to remain standing if they could recite a verse for every year they had been a Christian.  There were only 4 people standing at the end of it.  This hit home to me because I'm sure I know at least 15 different verses in the Bible, but I couldn't just sit down and tell you those verses off of the top of my head.  I'm going to try and make memorizing Scripture part of quiet time now.

It's funny how God uses us sometimes.  I often wonder why God had me do certain things in high school or why certain situations happen to me.  I got to talk to a solid Christian young man this week who I feel like has all the potential in the world to be a strong leader for Christ.  We had similar experiences with baseball and similar personalities.  I'm hoping that he got something out of talking with me.  I had a girl in my Bible Study and church group that approached me with some struggles she had been having after I shared my testimony with her.  If you ever wonder why you have the problems and struggles you have, maybe God wants to use you in some way that doesn't make any sense to you now. I was able to minister to this girl because of some struggles I had in my past and I wondered for the longest time why God would want me to go through that.  God is faithful though!

Looking forward I only have two more weeks left of camp then I'm heading home.  I'm ready to give these kids everything I got.  The words "with everything" keep popping up in my head and I'm gonna exhaust myself because there are hurting and broken students coming through here that need the love of Christ.  I'm just blessed to get to share a portion of the love that's been shown me.  Please pray for energy for our staff, the enemy to get the heck out of here, and for healing because this world needs healing.  I love you all and can't wait to see you soon!

Deuteronomy 5:23 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength."

In Love,

Bill Bouillon

A Summer in Jackson-Centrifuge #6

So begins another post and another week here in Jackson and this was by far the HOTTEST week here.  I'm pretty sure it was over 100 at some point every day this week which is normal for summer, but we're outside a lot so it's pretty draining.  God is faithful though.  This was the biggest week in Union Fuge history and they've had these here for over 20 years (I'm pretty sure) so lots of work to be done.  It started off with Registration being an hour shorter than usual because Union was having orientation for incoming freshmen. (Totalfreshmove and very inconvenient) Registration actually went pretty smooth though and all the churches were here before 4 o'clock so it was awesome!

Some weeks of Bible Study are better than other weeks and honestly this one was a bit rougher for me. I had a couple children who just didn't want to be there and had to be the center of attention.  God kept on encouraging me though.  There was a couple moments in Bible Study where I had everyone's eye on me and I cherish these moments.  There's an exercise we do called an "All Access Pass" and I ask the students if they could spend the day with any one person (deceased, famous, etc) who would it be and why.  One student spoke up about their deceased grandparent and then over half of my class talked about people they were missing in their lives.  This hit home for me because I think about my grandma all the time.  I just encouraged them to live a life worthy of bringing that deceased person honor because I know my grandma would be proud of me working here this summer.

I had two kids approach me after class and want to talk which is like the coolest part of my day whenever they do that.  I had one girl tell me how she feels led to tell her cousin who is atheist/agnostic about Christ.  I was telling her some basic ways to defend her own faith and encouraging her to just love on her cousin because being an example is probably the greatest way to show God's love to the lost.  Another student asked me how you determine God's voice from your own wants and that's one of the most difficult things to do as a Christian.  I encouraged her to get in the Word, pray, and listen.  I heard a message once that posed the question "Why do you do the things you do?" and it just really stuck out to me.  "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3 We have to examine the motives of our actions to determine if what we do is for our own ambition or if we're doing it for Christ.  This life isn't our own.  We live for something so much greater, powerful, and eternal.

Teaching choir is always such a unique experience for me because it's something that I can do but teaching it is a completely different experience.  I gotta rely on God so much to teach that class because I don't know what I'm doing lol.  The composer of the song ("We Are") we perform at the end of the week was actually our worship leader this week. (James Tealy) It was pretty cool to have him here this week and encouraging to hear from him as well.  I also had a special needs student in choir and I just gave her a bit more attention because she needed it.  I didn't really think much about it, but her adult came to my class and really appreciated my patience so it was cool to get to do that.  I had a legit church group come from Virden, IL this week too!  Grace Southern Baptist was excited to have me and I was excited to have them so it was fun to love on them and see how God is moving near my family in Illinois.  They also left me enough food to last through the rest of the summer so that was a blessing for sure.

Well I have three more weeks left to work here in Jackson.  This next week is a half week so I will have the afternoons off.  I'm hoping to catch up on some sleep, get a haircut, and just get some much needed rest while I can.  I don't want to let the small numbers for this week cause me to just check out though.  This is my students' first week of camp and I need to get intentional with them and help them through their struggles the best I know how.  I just gotta let God do His thing cuz I don't know what I'm doing half of the time haha.  Bri and I have been together for 5 months now and I'm looking forward to returning home to her, my family, and friends.  In the meantime, I'm ready to "Get it!!!!" as Ezra would say. (I love this staff in case you haven't noticed) Please be in prayer that we don't take this week lightly because the broken are out there and need Christ.  Pray that we don't get sick because there's a lot of that going on with the lack of rest we get.  Also pray that we don't overexert ourselves in the heat.  God's watching over us and I'm excited for these last 3 weeks of Centrifuge!!!

In Love,

Bill Bouillon

A Summer in Jackson-Centrifuge #5

Another week has gone down here in Jackson and with it comes more salvation, healing, and rededication.  This past week was our second biggest group we had coming with close to 900 students taking over Union University.  This next week is actually our biggest with close to 1,000 (I think) so prayers will be appreciated!  It's hard to not let this become routine.  This was my third week of Bible Study and second week teaching tracks so I didn't want everything to run together.  Each week is unique because I get to encounter different students each with their own goals, desires, hurts, struggles, and pasts.  It's getting easier to talk to students, but it's getting difficult to remember who has what story because I've heard so many already and I'm only going to hear more.  One thing God has really laid on my heart is that I need to love people with the love that He's shown me though.

The Bible studies we teach come from Ephesians and it always blows my mind whenever I read a letter written by Paul.  Here was a guy who persecuted the church with everything he had.  He killed Christians and tried to essentially destroy the church.  God totally revamped his world though.  He blinded Saul (at the time) and called him to preach to the Gentiles.  Saul then became Paul and is the reason that we have heard about the Gospel here in America.  Paul tried so hard to reach the lost that he was shipwrecked, floated in the sea overnight, given the 40 lashes minus 1 5 times, stoned, and exposed to death time and time again.  Read 2 Corinthians 11:16-33 for a full account of this.

"Who is weak, and I do not feel weak?  Who is led to sin, and I do not inwardly burn?  If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness." 2 Corinthians 11:29-30 I feel weak during camp sometimes, but these are the times when I just have to totally rely on God.  I'm only human after all.  I've seen God work in some mighty ways though.  I've seen over 20 people who didn't know Christ before this week come to know Him.  I've heard stories of abuse in people's lives and how they can live with themselves now.  There are dark places in this world, but we can be the light that people see and God can heal the broken because He's healed me.

Thank you so much for your prayers and support this summer.  It really does mean a lot to me.  Please keep praying for energy, patience, and a servant's heart for our staff here.  I'm excited to see what God has in store this week and can't wait to report back to ya'll!

In Love,

Bill

A Summer in Jackson-Centrifuge #4

I want to start out this post by talking about how special a touch can be.  This is a bit random and kinda weird, but have you really thought about how intimate physical contact with someone is?  I'm just talking about a simple hug or a pat on the back here.  I remember in Psychology this past semester reading about how some monkeys would forgo food in order to be in physical contact with a "mother" and this week I was reminded of this.  I was in the middle of a worship service and this random student walked up to me and said, "You look like you need a hug," and proceeded to give me one lol.  I don't really know why but it just made me feel like God was hugging me.  Worship is such a fierce experience for me because I really get into the music and just have a conversation with God.  This week was a bit emotional for me just because I could tell so many kids were in pain and I wanted God to heal that hurt.

Here are some lyrics from a song the Christian Baxter Band played called "Living Water":

"For all the lost and the broken

 For all the lame and the blind

 Come to the table of mercy

 And all who seek me will find

 For all who had it together

 But lost it all in the fight

 Come to the One who is able

 And says His burden is light

 You have seen how far we've fallen

 Sent Your only Son to die

 For the wretch, the thief, and the broken

 On the cross You poured out Your life."

There are all kinds of students who come through Fuge camps.  You have the ones who have grown up in church all their life and "had it together."  You have the ones who are hiding sin, guilt, shame, and "have fallen."  You also have the ones who have never heard any of this before and are "lost and broken."  There is a God who is greater than all of this though.  He has the power to heal and I've seen Him move in some incredible ways already.

Two students in my Bible Study really stuck out to me this week.  I won't ever mention names because it's confidential, but they were both hurting.  The first student's parents were going through a divorce and she approached me after Bible Study and wanted to talk.  I met with her and I had no clue what to say.  Christ definitely helped me in that conversation because I can't relate to it all.  She was a bit embarrassed by it and just wanted people to treat her normally.  She didn't want sympathy, she just wanted to be accepted.  The second girl had so much spiritual warfare going on.  If you think of the textbook definition of broken person she was that girl.  Her counselor recommended her to go on this trip and I'm glad they did.  She was introduced to the Gospel for the first time and asked a lot of questions.  I don't think she accepted Christ by the end of the week, but I could tell that she was soooooo much closer than she was at the beginning of the week and that made me happy.  Life change isn't just a saying at Fuge, lives are changed forever because Christ is alive and working.

This week has been really tiring, but I'm excited about it and can't wait to do it again.  My awesome girlfriend, Bri, came to see me as well so it was refreshing to see her beautiful face again.  I'm excited to go home to her at the end of the summer.  In the meantime, there's work to be done.  God is going to do even bigger things here and I'm blessed to be a part of it.  I can't wait to look back on this summer and know that God is more powerful than anything I can/will ever do.  Please be in prayer for the students who are coming through here.  Pray that they are willing to accept the Message and change.  Please also be in prayer for the staff because we are pouring our hearts into these kids and we put out so much energy.  It's going to be draining the further we get into the summer, but God will be glorified through it.  Thank you so much for reading this and for your prayers!

In Love,

Bill

A Summer in Jackson-Centrifuge #3

So I have completed my first week as a Centri-Fuge staffer! If Christ came back tomorrow I could say in heaven that I worked for Fuge :)  Last Sunday was the storm to kind of set the mood for the week (literally).  One of our staffers broke their arm while setting up a Bible Study room so we lost a member of our family here for a week which was sad.  Then we were kind of closing up stuff for the night and it started raining really hard.  Tornado sirens went off shortly after so we took sanctuary in a storm shelter on campus for awhile.  I wasn't really afraid though.  All this chaos was going on around us and all I could focus on was how powerful our God is.  The storm that came through was just an example of that.  It was a pretty crazy time to start a week of Fuge, but God is faithful.

I got to greet the very first church to arrive which was awesome and something I was really excited to do.  I was so excited I forgot to pray with them like I was supposed to lol.  I learned my first camp lesson that day as well: Wear sunscreen when you're going to be outside.  I have a really bad tan line all over my body right now haha.  I got to meet my Bible Study that night and they were a good group.  It took awhile for them to interact with each other, but they eventually opened up.  6-8 graders are always an interesting bunch too.  Tuesday started my first full day of camp which wasn't really full because I only worked a "half week" (aka, I get 4 hours off during the day).  I definitely used my free time during the afternoon to get stuff done and nap though.  It was good for me to get that transition week in.  

I didn't really feel like I was getting through during my Bible Study throughout the week.  God showed me otherwise though.  I got to sit and eat with a couple of my kids during lunch and I would ask them about Bible Study and God spoke to them in some way so it was encouraging.  I had a couple of students also accept Christ at different points during the week so that was incredible just to see God working like that.  That's why I'm here after all!

I just want to take this time to say thank you to everybody who is praying for me and my team here.  God is moving here and He never fails to provide what we need.  Whenever we need some encouragement, God has a way of showing us that He's in control and working on His time.  We finally got our team member who was injured back today, but we had lost another staffer for the summer because they needed to be at home.  God will be faithful though and I'm excited for another week here at camp!  If you could pray for energy for our staff because it's only going to be harder to be excited as the summer wears on.  I'll be teaching Choir and Softball (not Spiritual Gifts anymore) this week so pray that I teach well and that the Word of God just speaks to everyone here.  It's awesome to get to hear such good worship every night (be jealous haha).  Thank you for your prayers and support!

In Love,

Bill

A Summer in Jackson-Centrifuge #2

Well I am sitting in my new friends' dorm room writing this post on my first day off since last Thursday.  It's been go, go, go here as we're preparing the curriculum and our hearts for what God's gonna do here in Jackson.  I feel pretty good about the Bible Study material.  It'll be cool to share with these kiddos the Gospel.  There will be some kids who are confused about their parents' divorce, neglected by their classmates, and searching for something to fill that void in their lives.  The theme for Fuge this year is Pursuit and it's an awesome topic to talk about because God is constantly pursuing us with a love that we don't fully comprehend.  It's exciting to be around people who want to share this awesome news to others and have the same passion that I have.

After some training, I finally understand why Fuge is such an awesome camp.  We are trained for just about any situation and the focus is on the students.  The staff comes from different backgrounds and can relate to the students that come through.  I'm excited to be doing Centrifuge because I get to do Rec with my Bible Study!  (btw, if you have any good cheer ideas for the Bolts, I would love to hear it!)

This is also a short post, but I hope to have some stories that I can share as the summer progresses.  If you could be praying for the staff here that they have energy, for the students that come through will be willing to accept God's love, and for protection for everybody I would greatly appreciate it.  Here's some Scripture that has been laid on my heart I hope you find encouraging:

"I will go before you and level mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron.  I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."  Isaiah 45:2-3

God is powerful and will fight for you, literally.  We can't be stopped.

In Love,

Bill

A Summer in Jackson-Centrifuge #1

I'll try to go to bed early tonight, but it's gonna be hard for me to sleep! I leave around 9 am tomorrow morning to head for Jackson, TN where I will be spending two months with an amazing group of Christians.  I have never met any of these people, but I have a feeling they will become like family very quickly.  We're all working for the same purpose this summer, sharing the Gospel with children, and I know God is gonna use each of us in incredible ways.  In case you didn't know about me leaving, I will be gone till July 23 when I return back to Jacksonville, AR.  I am working at a Lifeway summer camp called Centri-Fuge.  I've been to 7 Mission-Fuges with my youth group over the past several years and I can honestly say I'm not the same person because of it.  God has revealed something unique to me each year and I can't wait to spend an entire summer just loving on some kids.

The camp lasts a week for the campers, but will be 6 weeks for the staff. (10 days of training) I will be leading a Bible Study of 6-8 graders.  We will be the Bolts! (Bill Bouillon's Bolts, yay for alliteration) I will also be teaching a class on Choir and Spiritual Gifts.  I can't really describe these camps and do it justice, it's something you have to experience.  It's a week without distractions (except other peers haha, I remember going to camp and wanting to flirt with other girls), totally focused on God, and some legit worship.  Lives are changed every day and if there's anything I've learned over the past year it's that Jesus was in the business of changing people.

I guess this post will be a bit short, but I want to ask you to pray for me and my team this summer.  Some weeks are going to be tiring and the Enemy will try to attack us where we are weak.  Pray for us to have strength, patience, and an energetic spirit.  Pray for me, that God will just show me what His plan for me is.  I'm still a bit uncertain what all that involves with future mission work, school, etc.  I'll try and blog after every week of camp and tell some stories of what's been going on.  Thank you for your prayer and actually reading this.  I love to hear feedback so I know people actually read it haha.  I'll leave with some Scripture that has really slapped me in the face recently:

"'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.'  'Ah, Sovereign Lord,' I said, 'I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.'  But the Lord said to me, 'Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I sent you to and say whatever I command you.  Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,' declares the Lord.  Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, 'Now, I have put my words in your mouth.  See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.'" Jeremiah 1:5-10

In Love,

Bill Bouillon

Music

          If there's one thing in my life that is impossible to separate from me it would have to be music.  It's in my life EVERYWHERE.  Usually in just about any dialogue with someone I start picturing the lyrics to a song.  There's always background music going on in my head too, just ask me what's song is in my head sometime.  I started thinking about music and I wanted to write about it because my blog was on my mind today.

          I have been blessed with the opportunity to help lead worship on Tuesdays nights and this has been one of the most humbling things I have ever done.  I can't describe how incredible it is to be up in front of a group of people and just hearing them singing praises to God.  That's something I hold very dear.  It's so humbling though because at times I don't feel adequate to be leading.  Every day is a battle for me.  Apathy, selfishness, and busyness try to creep their way into my life and I feel like I can just barely make it at times.  Not to mention I've always been a bit insecure about singing just by myself in front of others. (my voice cracks I don't know how many times a day) It's so amazing how God uses our weaknesses though.  If you feel inadequate about doing something God has been laying on your heart, stop.  God constantly uses the "weak" to lead the strong.  (also a song lyric haha) God has made us just the way we are and has a plan for us.  In Jeremiah He talks about His plans for us and how He will make us prosper and we have a future in Him.  Seek that path with everything You have and have joy and peace in something greater than you.  I can't imagine living my life without knowing my actions will have eternal consequences.

          One thing that God has made clear to me recently and has really been on my heart has to deal with discipleship.  A bit random, but something every Christian should think about.  In the Great Commission we are commanded to "...make disciples of all the nations..." Matthew 28:19 For the longest time I viewed this command, and it is a command, as "We're supposed to preach the Good News across the Earth."  This definitely is part of it and we should pursue this, but I've started to wonder what it really means to disciple somebody.  In order to disciple someone, you have to be at a place in Your walk where it won't cause another person to stumble.  You can't tell someone how to be more like God when you aren't doing that yourself.  That's the purpose of discipleship as well, to bring others closer to God.  You also have to be in the Word to disciple another person because You have to know it.

          Why is discipleship so important though?  That's how the church grows.  The church is the people, not a building.  Look at the early church.  It started as a community of believers.  They lived together, ate together, and shared everything they had.  They were also persecuted and died together.  This is the type of relationship I want to build because it's the best way to bring people closer to God.  (not to mention it's freakin awesome) I wasn't brought into this world to type a bunch of code on a computer or do really cool projects.  I was called to love and to be loved and to share God with the world.  In some way or another, I believe all Christians are called to this as well.

          This has been on my heart and I hope you found it enlightening.  I'm listening to the David Crowder Band right now (definitely in the top 5 of my favorite bands) and "The Glory of it All" is playing.  I want to leave you with some of these lyrics because they are incredible:

After night
Comes a light
Dawn is here
Dawn is here
It’s a new day, a new day
Oh, everything will change
Things will never be the same


Things will never be the same for me since that September day 15 years ago and I will not keep silent about it.


In Love,


Bill

This Semester

          I haven't blogged in awhile and I just have some things on my mind right now so I figured I would write.  This blog is part of my spiritual journey because I want to share what's been going on in my life.  I can't keep silent about something that is so vital to me everyday and I don't think Christians should stop talking about their spiritual lives either.  Life is full of ups and downs but one thing we can always count on is that something bigger and greater than us is going on.

          Jeremiah 29:11-12 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'"  My Bible study went over these verses last week and they've just been stuck in my head.  I like to worry, a lot sometimes.  I worry about the future, the amount of work I have to do, and what I'm going to eat later. (Yes I'm a fatty and always think three meals ahead)  I'm reading some of "Crazy Love" right now and it kind of explains that when we worry we're sinning.  We're telling God that our problems are bigger than He is and not trusting Him.  I heard a message last Tuesday about hope and Christians have hope all confused.  What do you think of when you hear the word hope?  We think of wanting something to happen a certain way.  I HOPE I get an A on that test I didn't study for.  I HOPE I get that job I've been wanting.  Instead, we should view hope with expectancy.  We can have expectancy and confidence knowing that God is in control and has an awesome plan that we may not see but we can take assurance in.

          I was then posed the question, "What do you put your hope in Bill?"  Part of me immediately answered and was like, "God of course."  That's what I wanted to be able to say anyways.  The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that wasn't true.  I get a certain sense of security when I think about my future career because Computer Engineers are in pretty high depend and pay extremely well.  It's ok for me to feel that way, but my expectation and hope was coming from that instead of my King.  I was putting it before Him and it was sort of an idol.  Where we put our hope in is evidenced by how we spend our time.

          I have an expectation for the future.  I may not know if it's in God's Will for me to go straight through college and get my Master's/PhD.  I may not know quite what ministry God wants me to be involved with whether that be a Worship Leader, Youth Pastor, or Sunday School Teacher.  I may not live through the night.  What I DO know is that God has a plan and I'm expecting it to be great and full of love and joy that can only come from heaven.  I challenge your to really ask yourself where your hope comes from.  My prayer is that it comes from the Lord.

In Love,

Bill Bouillon

Waking the Dead Part 12

               “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23 We’ve believed for the longest time that our hearts are evil so we view this Scripture as, “Watch out for the evil inside of you.”  We aren’t commanded to watch our hearts like it’s a criminal or something.  We are commanded to guard our hearts because it the “wellspring of life.”  This means that good flows out of it and it is a treasure.  How often do we actually think about putting our hearts above all else though?  Here’s more like our thought process.  “I have a test in Biology on Monday, this thing for student council in the afternoon, to cook for the family tonight, and American Idol to watch.”  When do we ever take the time to stop and take time off for our hearts?  Sure we’re given vacations, but how often do we actually use those to rest?  Most of the time we spend our days off doing something fun, but we’re just as worn out before the vacation as after it.

                “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart…For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45 Do our spiritual lives seem like an overflow very often?  Most of the time we just feel kind of like a canal.  Our walk with God is good for awhile and is sufficient, but then we run dry.  The reason why we feel like this is because we aren’t nourishing our hearts.  How would you live differently if you believed your heart was the treasure of the kingdom?  Don’t just absently read over that because I can’t emphasize this enough.  Pray about this, right now.  Your heart IS the treasure of God’s kingdom.  God’s glory is man fully alive and this is revealed through our hearts. 

                “Has it ever occurred to you that God is such a loving and generous person because his heart is filled, like a reservoir, with joy?  It is because his heart is brimming with good things and experiences that God is able to love and forgive and suffer so long for mankind.  The same holds true for us.  Are you a delight to be with after an hour in traffic?  No wonder we are so short on grace and mercy.  Life drains us dry—and we just accept it as the normal way to live.”

                The reason why we have to love our own hearts is because that is how we begin to love others.  What will you bring to other people if your heart is empty, dried up, pinned down?  How you handle your own heart will determine how you handle another person’s heart too.  I’ve thought for the longest time that I’m really hard on myself and not so much with others, but that’s a lie.  Even if you try to be merciful towards others while we neglect or beat ourselves, they can see how we treat our own hearts, and they will feel that same treatment for themselves even if you try to act otherwise.  People have made excuses for their actions by saying, “I’m taking care of my heart.”  Divorces and affairs are justified this way.  Some pretty terrible things have been done in the name of Christianity, but should that stop you from being a Christian?  Don’t let others’ bad choices shape your life.  Care for your heart.  Above all else.  You aren’t doing this for yourself, you’re doing it in order to love better-for those who need you because now is the most desperate time to love.

                Caring for your heart is how you protect your relationship with God because it is the place where He dwells inside of us.  This is where we can hear His voice.  Many Christians have never heard God speak to them because they live far from their hearts and practice the Christianity of principles.  Then they wonder why God seems so distant and conclude that all that intimacy stuff isn’t for them.  I’ll ask you one last time: How would you live differently if you believed your heart was the treasure of the kingdom?  What is it that your heart needs?  This will be different for every person, obviously.  For some people it’s music; for others reading; for still others playing sports.  There are some needs that all hearts have in common too.  We need beauty and that’s why God created such a beautiful world around us in music, nature, art, in a great meal shared. 

                We need silence and solitude.  Often.  In Mark 1, Jesus got up early and went alone to pray.  When He returned the disciples exclaimed that everybody was looking for Him.  Jesus replied to them that they should go elsewhere.  That’s something we may find really odd, but Jesus recognized that we needed alone time to get intimate with God.  That was also completely unexpected!  Here was a chance for Jesus to increase his sale pitch if you will.  Everybody was looking for Him and He wanted to get away?  Jesus refused to live and operate under people’s expectations and we tend to live our whole lives doing that.  When we do that, our hearts are always the first thing to go.  So I’ll ask you again.  What does your heart need?  Pray about it.  Ask God what He has for your heart because it is precious to Him.  Satan is going to try and give you a rough time when you try and make time for your heart.  Lies will start popping up.  There are so many more important things to do.  You can get into it some other time.  You’re being selfish.  This isn’t even what you want, anyway.  He fears your heart coming alive and full and free.  Caring for your heart is an act of obedience, love, faith, and an act of war.

                The heart that is weak is vulnerable.  Are you able to fend off attacks after you are wiped out from a long week?  The holidays can be a bit draining too.  The first strike against us is to rob us of our hearts to fight against the Enemy.  A sense of being overwhelmed or tired comes up and that’s when we have to be ready.  We get too busy, we don’t care for ourselves, and we lose heart. Be kind to yourself.  Take care of your heart.  You’re going to need it.  “We are now going to war.  This is the beginning of the end.  The hour is late, and you are needed.  We need your heart.” 

                I challenge you to read the battle of Helm’s Deep or watch any of the trilogy movies or the opening of Gladiator.  That is where we are now.  We are far into a battle which will require our fellow Christians and our hearts.  Grab everything God sends you.  You’ll need everything in order to see with the eyes of your heart.  “And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts.” 2 Peter 1:19 We are the light in the dark place.  Dawn is going to break and the morning star will rise in our hearts.

                Thank you for taking the time to read these blogs.  I just want to point out again that the main ideas come from the book “Waking the Dead” by John Eldredge.  I highly recommend this book and reading it for yourself.  It’s been a rollercoaster ride for me personally writing these with everything I have going on.  It’s taken me a long time to digest everything I’ve read and I’m just now starting to realize the importance of what I wrote about on here.  If you have any prayer requests or anything you need to talk about or discuss, please let me know.

                I’ve talked a lot about your heart in these blogs because I’ve come to realize that we, as Christians in today’s society, have lost heart.  We don’t love ourselves or others enough and we feel lost because of it.  If there is anything that I could emphasize is that you should take care of your heart.  Love it.  Nurture it.  Don’t give it away.  It’s the thing God treasure’s most and we should do so also.  Fight for your friends’ hearts as well because we all need help at some time or another.  Search for those friendships that transcend the mundane and get real.  “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

In Love,

Bill Bouillon

Waking the Dead Part 11

                In The Lord of the Rings, Frodo didn’t attempt to destroy the ring by himself.  He had the help of all kinds of races when he first set out and they were known as the “Fellowship of the Ring.”  Frodo definitely wouldn’t have been able to destroy the ring without the help of his best friend Sam.  The same could be said about Christians.  We wouldn’t be able to defeat the evil we’re surrounded by everyday if we don’t surround ourselves with a sort of fellowship.  Life is so much easier whenever you have friends beside you who will help you conquer armies, tear down walls, and fight along with you.  It’s essential.  “You must cling to those you have; you must search wide and far for those you do not yet have.  You must not go alone.” 

                Frodo didn’t take a thousand elves with him to Mordor and Jesus had a platoon of twelve brothers.  They accomplished great things with a small number of close friends because it’s impossible to have intimacy with a large number of people and that’s what this war will require of us.  It’s an awesome experience to worship with thousands of people, but you can’t even say hello to everybody in a crowd that large.  Is it possible to offer rich and penetrating words to someone you barely know, in the lobby of the church, as you dash to pick your kids up?  Would you feel comfortable asking the person you pass the offering plate to if they could bind a demon that is sitting on your head?  I’m going to call this close group of friends your “inner circle.”  These are the people that are going to fight for your heart.  Counseling has become a hired profession because we could not find it anywhere else.  Christians need to find it because this battle is going to be rough without it.

                Church is not a building and is not an event that takes place on Sundays.  Church, as America thinks of it, is not how the Bible uses the term.  When Scripture talks about church, it means a community.  Little fellowships that share life.  They worship together, eat together, pray for one another, go on quests together, and fight for each other.  They can do this because they are small and intimate.  Small groups have become a popular part of churches and they are short-lived for the most part.  You can’t expect a group of complete strangers to become intimate allies over the course of 12 weeks.  That sort of relationship builds over a shared life.  “All the believers were one in heart and mind.” Acts 4:32a This means they all loved the same thing, wanted the same thing, and were bonded together to find it.  Most small groups don’t heal the brokenhearted or set the captives free because we come, we learn, and we leave.  This is not enough because hearts are still unknown to each other. 

                It’s going to get messy too.  Just because everyone in your inner circle is a Christian doesn’t mean they won’t screw up and you will mess up eventually too.  Going to church with hundreds of people to sit and hear a sermon is easy.  It won’t expose you which is why most people prefer it.  A community will expose you though.  It will reveal to you where you have yet to become holy at the same moment you realize where they have yet to become holy.  It will bring you close and you will be seen and you will be known.

This kind of community is extremely rare.  Why?  Because it is hard and fiercely opposed.  Most churches survive because everybody keeps a polite distance from one another and conversations are superficial.  Living in a community is like camping together, in the desert, for a month, with no tents.  Anybody can be captured for Christ for an hour a week, but your life is exposed to a community you live with.  There are two keys you have to keep in mind when dealing with other people so intimately too: the heart is good and we are at war.  Times are going to come up where you lose patience with someone but we know the Truth.  Once we are born again, our hearts are good.  The Enemy is also trying to stop us with everything in his power.  That is why we need to band together and fight.

We have to fight against the Enemy and we have to fight for each other because without it we’re screwed.  “Suddenly, all those one another’s in Scripture make sense.  Love one another.  Bear one another’s burdens.  Forgive one another.  Acts of kindness become deeply meaningful because we know we are at war.”  You have to know your friends’ hearts intimately because when they seem distant, you know what’s really going on.  We also have to be careful with how we treat our inner circle.  If you bring your every need to the group, it will collapse.  Community is no substitute for God. 

“God is calling together little communities of the heart, to fight for one another and for the hearts of those who have not yet been set free.  That camaraderie, that intimacy, that incredible impact by a few stouthearted souls—that is available.  It is the Christian life as Jesus gave it to us.  It is completely normal.”  If you started following my blog a little later than when I first started, most of the stuff I write about comes from the book Waking the Dead by John Eldredge. (which explains the random quotes) I highly recommend the book because it is awesome and so true.  Christians today are not the people we were created to be.  I hope this post is enlightening and that you truly seek out brothers and sisters in Christ who will fight for your heart and that you will fight for theirs.  If you need to talk to me about anything, have a question, or just want to talk about what God is doing in your life hit me up!  Thanks for reading, only one more post from this book and it’s going to be an epic finish.

In Love,

Bill Bouillon

Waking the Dead Part 10

                I’ve talked in previous posts about spiritual warfare, restoration, and counseling.  All of these things can really change your life if you let God work in you and put in a little effort yourself.  Why would you want to do this you may ask.  It’s because we are not what we were created to be.  Christianity today is filled with people who are just trying to get by.   Some have hope but still don’t live up to the life that we’ve been called to live.  And we feel so guilty about it too.  We search for purpose.  What were we created to do?  “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’  So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.  God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.  Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.’” Genesis 1:26-28 We were created to rule.

                Now I’m not talking about taking over the world.  I am not trying to create some weird cult; we have plenty of those already.  If we picture ourselves at war with Satan and his armies, then it makes sense that we were created to rule.  This isn’t Sunday school hour anymore.  The Enemy doesn’t want God’s glory to shine and will do everything in his power to prevent that.  The book of Revelation baffles me.  The prophecies in that book confuse the heck out of me even after reading the Left Behind series.  One thing is made clear to me though from that book and other parables that Jesus taught about; Christians will rule the earth when Christ comes back.  Not like a military coup, but God has ultimate control and power and every knee shall bow at His Name when He returns.  What are we supposed to do in the meantime though?  Training us to do what we were created to do: rule.

 In Luke 10 Jesus sent out 72 disciples, ordinary people like you and me, to do His ministry which is healing the broken and setting captives free.  “Go!  I am sending you out like lambs among wolves.” Luke 10:3 He flat out told them it wouldn’t be easy.  When they return, they are absolutely blow away by what happened.  “The seventy-two returned with joy and said, ‘Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.’” Luke 10:17 Christ gives His followers authority and it works!  Satan’s days on Earth are numbered and he knows it.  “Then Jesus came to them and said, ‘All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me.’”  Matthew 28:18 Why would He give us authority if we weren’t supposed to use it?

Unfortunately the attitude of Christians today is anything but fierce.  We’re passive, acquiescent.  We act as if the battle is over already.  We’ve believed the lie that says, “You don’t need to fight the Enemy.  Let Jesus do that.”  It is true that Jesus has won the victory over Satan and his kingdom. (Can I get an amen!) However, the battle is not over.  Until Jesus comes back for the finishing blow, there is work to be done.  We are supposed to fight for the lost and hurt now until that day comes.  “Submit yourselves, then, to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7

One thing I’m God is just speaking to me about right now is that I have the authority.  I know my heart is good, awesome.  I am more aware that I’m being attacked by the Enemy now and I try to see where my emotions come from and what is assaulting me.  How do we combat these assaults though?  John Eldredge has an awesome example that kind of explained what was happening to me.  I’ve asked God to help take some things out of my life.  Remove the temptations and protect me.  I’ve felt Him there beside me, but some things just haven’t been going away.  They’ve still had a hold on me and it was driving me crazy.  God has been telling me, “You do it Bill.”  I didn’t really think of it that way.  “I have the authority?  That can’t be right God.”  Sometimes we think we are so powerless in front of the giants we face.  The Bible is full of underdog stories.  David defeats Goliath.  Gideon’s 300 men wiped out the Midianites.  Peter and Saul changed the church forever.  God has given you and me authority over our Enemy just like He has the ultimate authority.  Through the Cross, we have power that we never imagined and it’s time we start using it.

Please don’t live your life ashamed of your past or even where you are now.  Change.  Be that person that brings glory to God with the way you live.  You have the authority over the Enemy so stop listening to the lies and rule.  My prayer is that you realize you have the authority of Christ and you aren’t afraid to use it in your life.  God loves you and I love you.  Please let me know if there’s something I can pray for you about.

In Love,

Bill

Waking the Dead Part 9

               In this journal I’m going to be talking about Spiritual Warfare.  I’ve made pretty clear in other posts the case that we are constantly at war with the Enemy and he is hell-bent on preventing God’s glory shining through us.  “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;” John 10:10a He came to literally do this.  “The story of your life is the story of the long and brutal assault on your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears it.”  “I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron.  I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.”  Isaiah 45:2-3 Be completely honest with yourself, when you read the above passage did it seem a bit…overblown?  “God’s gonna level mountains for me Bill?  That’s cool.  I was just kinda hoping He’d help me get through this week.  I have a million things to do and I don’t know how I’m gonna do it.”  The part about treasure reminds you of a children’s tale you used to hear when you were little and it was wrote to be poetic and inspire, but what good does that actually do us now?

                What if we viewed Scripture through the eyes of our heart?  The language used in the Bible makes perfect sense if we view it on a mythic level like in Lord of the Rings.  Gates must be broken down, riches are hidden in darkness, and precious friends must be set free.  Things are not what they seem.  We are at war and the Enemy is set against your heart, your glory.  “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.”  Isaiah 61:1b This is God’s mission for His people.  We have all been held captive by something and we can’t see in the darkness.  Our hearts have been the treasure hidden in the darkness.  Maybe you understand that perfectly, but what we don’t always understand is the Where and How.

                In every story there is a villain.  In Lord of the Rings, Sauron wanted the Ring back and attempted everything in his power to recover it.  Satan was cast out from heaven along with the fallen angels and he wants revenge on God.  The only way he can get this is by attacking us.  He is trying to steal your freedom, kill your heart, and destroy your life.  “Very few people live like that.  The alarm goes off, and they hit the snooze button, catch a few extra winks, gulp down a cup of coffee on their way to work, wonder why there are so many hassles, grab some lunch, work some more, come home under a sort of cloud, look at the mail, have dinner, watch a little TV, feed the cat, and fall into bed—without once even wondering how the Enemy might be attacking them.  All they know is, they sure aren’t enjoying that abundant life Christ talked about.”  To live in ignorance of the war going on around you is the most destructive thing we can possibly do. 

                Satan has been called the Father of Lies in John 8:44.  His very first attack against Adam and Eve was a lie in the Garden and he was successful.  He likes to suggest to us some sort of idea or inclination or impression, and what he is seeking is a sort of “agreement” on our part.  He’s hoping we buy into whatever he’s offering, saying, insinuating and then he can destroy the work God wants to do through us.  Quite possibly the two hardest things to hold onto is that our hearts are good and they matter to God.  Try to hold onto these for a day and see the resistance you face.  You have an argument with your daughter on the way to school; as you drive off, you have a nagging sense of, Well, you really blew that one.  If your heart agrees with this without taking the issue to God then the Enemy tries to take more from you.  You’re always blowing it with her.  Another agreement is made.  It’s true.  I’m such a lousy parent.  You can see how your whole day goes down the drain in about 5 minutes.

 This sort of thing happens all the time and if we don’t recognize it for what it is we’re toast.  If a demon told you to drink a rat poison he was handing you, you would tell him where he can drink his poison.  “But because we do not live as though we are at war, well, we just assume these impressions are our own, and we accept them, agree with them, live under them like slaves under a task master.”  Any movement toward freedom and life will be opposed.  Sadly, the opposition will sometimes come from Christians because they do not understand what they are saying comes from the Enemy.  David took a census of Israel when he was commanded not to and Peter tried to rebuke Jesus.  These are some great Christian men who fell for lies.  We must be careful who or what we are agreeing with.

Probably half the stuff people are trying to “work through” in counseling offices or pray about in their quiet times are agreements they’ve made with the Enemy.  They could end their agony if they treated it for the warfare it is, break any agreement they’ve made, and send the Enemy packing.  Have you ever had an experience where there was something you couldn’t just “work through”?  I know I have.  Whether it’s something you’ve done in the past, anger you’re holding onto, or the feeling that you aren’t worth anything, stop agreeing now!  “The Enemy will suggest all sorts of things.  You see—God doesn’t care.  You’re not worth fighting for.  Your heart doesn’t matter.  You can’t trust him.  He is trying to kill your heart, destroy the glory of your life.  It will feel hard—really hard, almost impossible—but whatever you do, make no agreements.  You have to start there.”

God is often referred to as “the Lord Almighty” in the Bible.  What kind of image does this create in your head?  To me, it paints a picture of someone who is up in heaven yet in control.  Powerful, yet a bit behind the scenes.  The Hebrew version of this translation is “the Lord of hosts” and “God of hosts.”  This seems like a much better representation because my God is the God of armies who will fight for his people.  The God who is at war.  Lord Almighty doesn’t really convey this image to me.  “The God of angel armies sounds like the one who would roll up his sleeves, take up sword and shield to break down gates of bronze, and cut through bars of iron to rescue me.”  Why have Christians abandoned a warfare worldview?  Why do we still think, and some churches will even preach, that our hearts are evil?  It’s because we have believed in the lies of the Enemy for far too long and it’s time to stop and fight back.

I want to close out this post by reviewing some of my previous journal entries to kind of tie them all together.  Much of Christianity in today’s American society has turned discipleship into a soul-killing exercise of principles.  A lot of people don’t realize they can walk with God and hear His voice.  We’ve viewed counseling as a profession for sick patients so people’s hearts are never healed.  We sit in pews as broken people, feeling guilty because we aren’t living the life we’re supposed to.  We’ve believed the lies of the Enemy, especially the one that there is no war.  How many Christians do you know practice spiritual warfare as a normal, essential part of daily life?  If you want the life and freedom Jesus offers, then you are going to have to break free of this religious fog.  “It is freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”  Galatians 5:1 Here’s a good test to use to see what you believe is the truth.  If it doesn’t bring freedom, life, or restore the image of God, it’s not Christianity.

 I really can’t stress how important it is to recognize that we are at war and we must guard ourselves and fight daily.  Satan is out there trying to steal, kill, and destroy whatever part of our lives he can get a hold of and I do not want to see myself or my friends fall prey any longer.  If you have anything you want me to pray for, please let me know.  I love you guys and hope you start off the New Year right!

In Love,

Bill